Lala... Lawry?

j'entre profondément

i feel sorry for her. that blue-eyed Serbian illegitimate grandmother stabbing my conscious with her look.
i feel sorry for him, carbon-black eyed, African kid with an abdomen so distended you'd think he had jelly belly. Marasmus sucks.
i feel sorry for that harmless gazelle, making its elegant leap across the open savannah, only to find a lionesses' open jaw meeting its jugular on the other side.
i feel sorry for the millions of corn plants being cultivated every year for the sole purpose of biofuleing.

i'm deeply sorry,

but my sorrow goes only fractionally to them.. my true sorriness goes to a guy called Laury (pronounced like dowry)

laury isn't the kind of guy that bothers you with his presence, he's not the type that keeps on talking and talking and doesn't understand that you're not actually staring at his face because you're interested but because you're observing the strange white froth accumulating on his mouth angles.
he pops up every now and then. sometimes he's seen often. sometimes not at all.
i find no better way to tell you about him than to let him speak about it himself.


-flash-

"where am i?" i thought to myself
"'why, you are safe now' said the fox" said the bird.
slowly i gaze around the dark room. is that a light, he thinks to meself. a pineapple? ouch!
wait, my feet are pineapples! or are those my nipples? pine-nipples.
oh, now i get wings, wet wing. i guess i had them all the time. i fly.
fly out of the box and in to the city. where is everyone? why so many ants? i'll land somewhere different. there, a boy is sitting under that tree. stop pushing me.
suddenly i turn my head to the left. then to the other left. i kill him.
ahhhh i'm in so much pain, regret.. i'm sorry. please cum back to life. too late. if only there was anoth...

-end-


poor poor laury. if you haven't guessed as of yet, laury is actually the guy i had in my dream the other day. i really feel sorry for beings like him. they come to existence as a result of our subconscious, only to live 5-7 measly minutes of miserableness. i'm sure most of you have had the same dream. the type where the main character (sometimes viewed in 1st person) gets in soo much trouble that you think 'darn'. at times it's so real that when we wake we carry with us the burden of whatever troubled us in the dream into our real world.

do people like laury truly exist. does our imagination exist. did not Descartes (pronounced diskarteez) say that we think therefore we are. and since the laury is a product of our thought, a result of neuronal action potential running through the limbic system, frontal lobe and hippocampus of my brain, doesn't that make him "am". the mere fact that i remember his name till now (dream memoirs have 7 minutes post-sleep half-lives by the way) makes him not only existent, but also someone who has been able to cross into this world.
(the willies overwhelm me).
but does laury think. he can make decisions can't he? as soon as we mentally "produce" him, we automatically bestow upon him all our previous knowledge and experiences, and he uses them to act accordingly. he assumes our logic in a bohemian sort of way.

but what is thinking anyway? is it not just a reflex reaction our mind goes through as a result of a stimulus?
e.g. i see a flower i think of how you left me for kumar.
the earth, in response to tectonic plate movements, relfexly gushes out its insides. does that sequence qualify as a thought. does that make it "be". Dr. Sid's Gaia, perhaps.

but i feel sorry. i brought him into this world. but did i really have a choice, or was it my primitive brain that was steering. i don't remember choosing for laury to come over for the night. i never invited him, and sure as hell wouldn't have if twas up to me.

to all entities in my previous, current and dreams that are yet to come, i ask for your forgiveness. you do not deserve the ruthless lives you lead. the only thing i can promise you is that from now on, whenever i come across you in one of my sweaty nights, i will bring you into my world. i will write about you and your fate, people will remember you and in that way you will forever live.. within the letters of my sentences.

and to laury: you look soo fine in those tank-tops ;)